Sunday, January 13, 2013

I Know Something You Don’t Know

This taunt is something that I have truly struggled with this deployment.  Trent and I have a marriage in which we tell each other everything.  There are no secrets between us, and we literally come home from work and give run downs of our days.  He knows the ends and outs of my days at school, and I know most of the things he does at his work (He works with confidential information in his civilian job, so there are things I can’t know.  But, most of that stuff is probably pretty boring so it doesn’t bother me. Sorry, babe.)

I am an information girl.  The more information I have about anything, I feel better and can put things into perspective and prepare for a realm of possibilities.  I feel like I know absolutely nothing this time around.  It wasn’t like this when Trent was in Iraq, but this deployment, the lack of information I can have is so minimal the only word I can think of to describe it is brutal. 

I know all of the Army Wives rules that you should try to steer clear of civilian news of the area your soldier is in, and I so completely did that the last deployment, no problem at all.  This deployment, however, I find myself caught between a rock and a hard place.   When Trent and I talk on the phone, I know him so well that it doesn’t take much to know something is off.  And then I can’t stop them, the questions come falling out of my mouth, and I know he can’t answer them, but I absolutely cannot stop them.  Ahhhhhh!!!  I just want to know something …. anything! 

Insert my new problem here. 

He can’t tell me a thing   +   I just want an inkling of what is going on in his world   =   The world of Google alerts

Please don’t gasp too loudly fellow military folks.  I know this is generally not an approach recommended for those back on the home front, but as for now, I’m going to make it work for me.  The new information in my head now, about Trent’s world, I have to take in very carefully.  I am not so naïve to think that the information that Google is giving me, on my now daily updates, is completely accurate.  Nor do I believe that every little thing that happens in that area affects my soldier’s daily life.  I do feel more a part of his days now, though.  I don’t know any details of his actual hours of the day, but I have more of an understanding of what it’s like for him and his fellow soldiers.

On another note, I will tell you that I am truly saddened by the life that is lead by the people of Afghanistan.  My heart is heavy at the world these children are raised in and the darkness in which they live.  Not that I didn’t know this already, but my how the world needs more Jesus.  Do you ever wonder what He thinks when He looks down at us?  I can’t help but ponder this lately.  How His heart must break at what He sees in this world! 

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