Over the past week, I’ve been asked multiple times, “So how do you do it?” And my response, though I know what they are referring to is always, “Do what?” Typically they chime back in with something like, “How can you be okay with being away from your husband for that long?” I normally joke off the question at first by responding with, “Well, it’s easy! I get the whole bed to myself and get to watch what I want on TV!” However, anyone who knows us knows I get to watch what I want anyways, and if you ask Trent, he’ll tell you I pretty much take up the whole bed when he is here. So, that’s not really any different. :) Ok, seriously though, every Army wife/husband has been asked this question on a regular basis if their spouse has ever been deployed. The answer is really quite simple. You do what you have to do, and you take it a day at a time.
On a more personal level though, there are more reasons as to “how” I can do it. Those of you who know both Trent and I know that we have a very happy marriage. We just work, or as Trent says, “we compliment each other well.” We both knew this very early in our relationship, which is why we were engaged so quickly. Trent and I just knew that this was it for us.
So where am I going with this?? Well, before Trent and I were engaged we had very deep discussions (yes, during the two short weeks we dated.) We discussed what we wanted in life, what we didn’t want (this list was much easier, thank you ex-s), family, values, our faith, etc. During one of our conversations, Trent mentioned something that has stuck with me through our years together, and I think it will help make sense as to why our marriage can endure these ever so challenging deployments. Trent was very adamant that he never wanted me to “need” him. He explained that our relationship would never work if we place our need on anything other than Jesus. I completely agreed with him, and I’ll explain why.
A year before I actually met Trent at UCM, I went to school in Bolivar at SBU. When I started going to school there, I was still very lost in my world, and still looking for something or someone to make me happy. I met some wonderful friends there that probably have no idea how much they actually did for me, and how they helped guide me to my happiness. During my second semester, my friends and I went to our mandatory chapel at 10:00 a.m. It was one of my favorite chapels, praise and worship. It was during that chapel that I fully and completely let Jesus 100% into my heart. “Better is One Day” (and how fitting) was the song we were singing, and I just couldn’t hold it together anymore. My life was a mess, I can’t tell you the amount of times I felt broken and lost, and I couldn’t live one more day without Him. I NEEDED Him, and I finally realized that it was Him and only Him that I would ever need. It was then and there that I really began my journey with Jesus. I didn’t need anyone anymore. I just needed my Jesus. How blessed I was to meet a man six months later who felt the same way and who would only continue to help me grow in my relationship with Jesus.
So, back to my original story… Trent and I have a firm understanding that our relationship can never go to a “need” situation. It’s unfair of us to put that much pressure on one another, and we have to be okay on our own. And absolutely, we are okay on our own, IF we always have Jesus at the center of our marriage, our daily life, and of this deployment.
A few months ago, I put this as my wallpaper on my phone to remind me that He is the center. I CAN do this, with HIM!!