The past two days I have had a new emotion brewing inside of me. This emotion is not one of my favorites…it’s the ever dreaded anxiety. There are few things that make me anxious so it’s not an emotion that I commonly have to deal with, therefore, it is not one that I deal with well. I’m not hungry, I’m a bit jumpy, I’m not sleeping well, and I’m, as my little girls would say, a “cranky turtle.”
Trent leaves next week for a month long training where we will have very little communication with him. He’ll return again for just a few weeks, then he goes to his official mobilization site, and you know the next step from there….over he goes. From my experience and from conversations I’ve had with other Army wives, anxiety is soooo very normal. I guess I just didn’t expect it to hit me as hard as it has. I’ve done this before, I know what to expect, it’s not new, so what’s all the anxiety about? Most of my anxiety is not for me, but instead for my girls and husband. I know the hurt and pain of this deployment is coming, and all I want to do is find a way to take it away from all of them. There is no way I can do that, and I have to find a way to help them all through it. The last deployment, I only had to deal with my own hurt and pain and keep up a brave front so Trent wouldn’t worry about me. (The last thing you want is to have your soldier worrying about you while they are over there. That is not where their focus should be.) But this time, it’s a whole different ball game. My girls will have hearts yearning for their daddy and my husband the same for his little girls. All I can do is be as positive as possible for everyone and help the little ones through the meltdowns to come.
I don’t want this post to be so downtrodden, I’m dealing with the anxiety, it will pass, and I will march on. After all, we have so much to be thankful for, and the Army is a big part of that. Here are a few things I remind myself of when I start to have anxiety about this deployment.
· The Army has been good to us. I’m not saying there aren’t days where we are completely frustrated by some of the alterations to our lives due to being military, however, in our marriage we know nothing else.
· The Army has strengthened our marriage, and will only continue to do so.
· The Army gives us an amazing health insurance policy that has paid to fix the little heart of our precious Joanna along with other surgeries for her as well.
· The Army has brought us amazing friendships. Our lives would not be the same without our “Army Family.”
· The Army has also allowed my husband to follow his calling in life. Trent is a soldier, because God called him to be a soldier. He believes in what he does, and knows the importance of it, regardless of what many will say.
My anxiety is nothing compared to all I have to be thankful for. I have so many blessings, two of which are sleeping upstairs, one that is at her other home but is always on our heart and mind, and one that is sitting next to me as I type this post, enjoying his rare moment of being in command of the remote control. :)
Thank you Lord for all of Your Blessings!